Well, here I am, many months from when I attempted to continue my journey that I started, and I completely bombed in regards to keeping things up on my own. I decided to check my weight today (the wii said that it had been 51 days since my last weigh in) and I am completely disgusted in myself!
I have gained 19 lbs since last July! I knew that I had gained weight as I have been noticing that my pants are getting just a little bit on the snug side. Ok I'm fibbing. They are huge on the snug side! I could barely breathe tonight in my pants that I usually wear to work. This is not good.
I'm going to try and assess why it seems that I have lost the drive and why I have gained the weight back. I'm just going to ramble on because I am pretty sure when I read this myself in a few months, I'll know what happened and try to avoid it the next time. I can do this! I know I can!
Ok so back in Jan or Feb, can't really remember which, maybe it was March or April. I don't really know. Anyways, my confidante, my favorite person to talk to on a daily basis, or even every second day basis, my grandmother wound up in the hospital with Cancer. I believe this is where the issues of not going to the gym started. I was so absorbed in going to see grandma in the hospital, trying to hold down my job, and trying to go to the gym all at the same time. Plus at the time I started my new business of selling Avon as well. So it turned out that I was getting pretty busy. I know, that's really not an excuse.
But that's the way it was. It started out with dropping a day at the gym one week, and then dropping a second one the next. I felt guilty so I would try and make it up the third week. No go, pretty soon Grams wasn't doing much better, and there were more frequent visits to the hospital. Finally in May, on Mother's Day, we lost Grams. Not only did we lose Grams but, we also lost our dear Nan Wilson on the same day. It was so traumatic and not to mention such a surprise that I think I just said to hell with it. Excuse the language, but that's how I was feeling.
Since then, I quit going to the gym altogether. I would pop in every couple of weeks for a 30 min workout and then it grew to maybe once a month. Finally last month, I decided that since I wasn't using the gym, there's no point in keeping the membership. So, I cancelled it. Once I cancelled the membership, I guess I was trying to punish myself and make myself feel horrible because I had failed in my eyes. I quit doing my stretching, Stopped exercising all together and started eating the fast food, chocolate bars, chips, and definitely not drinking the proper intake of water that my body needs.
It's amazing how quickly your body starts to feel terrible. Within a matter of a month, I noticed my knees were starting to ache, my back is horrible. Some days I can barely get out of bed it hurts so much. I am moody as well and that's probably due to the fact that I have no healthy foods in my diet. No fruits, no veggies.
Well, that's all going to change. I did NOT lose 80 lbs in a year just to gain it all back again in 5 months. NO WAY!
Considering how much it helped me to blog when I was with my trainer in the first journey, I will blog again and this time, my trainer is myself. I am going to do it on my own. I have the fundamentals, I just need to use them. Not only that, but I have an elliptical, I have a few weights, and I have the yoga mats. I know I can do this with the equipment I have. I'd be a lot happier if I had a treadmill but, in time, I will have one of those too.
Today I continued on my horrible track record of eating crap. I came home and pigged out on crispy mini rice cakes, and not to mention I had a chocolate bar at work for supper. I figured if I was going to start behaving myself and getting the exercise and eating in check, time to get it started tomorrow. So, I got my last fix in today.
Well, that's all I've got for now, I've rambled on enough, berated myself enough, and now, time for me to get some stretches done, and get to bed so that I can get up at a decent time tomorrow.
Looking forward to day 2! Chow!
